I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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