Pappa wants mamma naked
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
