Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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