"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She needs sedatives and a leash
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
