Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
