my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just googled if crying burns calories
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
