You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
