Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
