New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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