I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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