what day is it and did you see me today?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
