is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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