Did you just see the Batmobile???
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
