It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
