I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
