Where did you get a picture of my penis
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
