The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
