I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
