Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think your dad took our porno
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
