k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
