Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize