I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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