I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
