so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
did i walk over a car last night?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
