Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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