meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
