His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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