I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
