cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
