my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
