I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
