We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
