Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
