That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
