My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
