Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
