You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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