I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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