i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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