Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
