I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
