so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
be right there i have to get my cape
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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