i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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