I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
