M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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