Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
