You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
