New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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