did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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