You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
