I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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