I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
