Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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