She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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