My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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