Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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