he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
