omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize