it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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