Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
