suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
