She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
