Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
