This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
