Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
