so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
