talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
