You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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