I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
