Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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