Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i love accidental penises.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
