good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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