how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
