Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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